The Man Behind The Man...................

By: Pyhrrus

The details of my life are quite inconsequential...

Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Altdorf with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old Elf prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Nordland, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Dwarf named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I highly suggest you try it.